Sound and Fury
Sound advise from an unsound adviser.
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You see, often in these discussions a Marginalised Person™ will tell you it’s not their responsibility to educate you. This is because Marginalised People™ believe that they have other priorities in life, like working and studying and being with their families for example.

Clearly, they are labouring under a misperception - as a Privileged Person® you have far more right to their time than they do, and besides, don’t they want to make the world a better place? Isn’t that why they alerted you to the fact you were being offensive in the first place? Well, now clearly your education is their responsibility!
By placing this burden of responsibility onto them you remind them of just how daunting a task that is and how their lives are constantly being monopolised by the Privileged®, even in something that should be empowering to them, like deconstructing discrimination.

You trivialise their lives, needs, interests and obligations by suggesting they should be spending all of their time and energy in engaging with clueless Privileged People®, putting in hours and hours of effort in repeating the exact same thing they’ve already said three thousand times to three thousand other Privileged People® in their past.

And furthermore, you remind them that, if they really cared about their own issues, they’d willingly take that task on! Surely it’s a small price to pay to change people‘s minds?

Well, you want them to think that, but of course it isn’t. After all, most of the conversations they have with Privileged People® often feel to them like beating their heads repeatedly against a brick wall embedded with rusty spikes.

Which is entirely the point. Keep them worn out and exhausted and maybe they’ll just go away.

derailingfordummies.com

Feminist, cis male, and fear. →

I was recently reading some old back stories on Feministe.us discussing what advice feminists identifying as women might give feminist identifying as males in a relationship, and would love to throw the topic open to my wonderful friends from the real world and the internet on my Tumblr.

Let me begin by acknowledging I come to this discussion as a cis male who has benefited from the privilege that entails. I am also a black man, and as such I have always found certain situations ideologically confronting. For example, when I am walking down a dark street and a someone I presume to be female and white appears to me to be scared, I have in the past taken racial offence to this. I also acknowledge I have, while arguing with women, not always checked the rage, thinking to myself: there is not need to be so emotional about an intellectual debate.

At the time, I justified these reactions as responding to historic and cultural ideas surrounding race, when in fact this showed a remarkable failure in my own gender politics. Gender oppression transcends race, and in many ways is amplified by it. Tone of voice, physical stance, and positioning can all lead to feelings of fear and concern in women when confronted with men -in my experience.

I would love, however, the thoughts of those out there on how as cis male I can better check myself during discussions with women to avoid this.